I learned to take up space. Then I learned this...
For most of my life, I was the person in the back of the room.
I didn’t raise my hand.
I didn’t volunteer to speak.
I didn’t want attention drawn toward me.
Staying small felt much more comfortable than being seen.
Over the last few years, I’ve done a lot of work around that.
I’ve learned to use my voice.
I started speaking and teaching.
I created The Village.
I began connecting women with one another, introducing people who I thought needed to know each other, building community, and allowing myself to take up more space.
And I’m really proud of that growth.
Somewhere along the way, I think I started believing that growth meant I needed to stay at the front of the room.
Connection, creativity, other moms... and learning how to make charcuterie roses.
A few weeks ago, during our Human Design gathering in The Village, our guest Dr. Stacy Cisneros was explaining Human Design profiles.
Mine is a 2/4.
She described the 2 as the “hermit,” someone who needs time to step away, be alone, and integrate.
And the 4 is deeply relational, someone who builds connections and community and often finds opportunities through relationships.
I actually laughed a little because...well, that explains a lot. 😂
I LOVE connecting people.
I love creating spaces where women can come together.
I love introducing someone and saying, “You two need to know each other.”
And at the same time?
Sometimes I desperately want to disappear into my own little corner and have no one need anything from me.
For a long time, I might have interpreted that second part of myself as a problem.
After all the work I had done to stop hiding, why would I want to retreat again?
But what if retreating and hiding aren't always the same thing?
Maybe stepping back doesn’t mean I’m going backward.
This is me after a morning filled with connection and great conversations. I loved every minute of it... and I was tired.
Because I think sometimes when we work really hard to change something about ourselves, we can swing all the way to the other side.
Maybe you spent years people-pleasing, so you learned to say no.
Maybe you were taught to stay quiet, so you learned to speak up.
Maybe you spent years doubting yourself, so you learned to trust yourself.
Maybe you were always taking care of everyone else, so you finally learned to include yourself.
Those shifts can be incredibly important.
But eventually, perhaps the question becomes less about which side is “right” and more about:
What do I need now?
I don't want to go back to being the woman who believed she needed to hide in the back of the room.
But I also don't need to prove that I've changed by always standing at the front of it.
I can be visible and step away.
I can lead and rest.
I can love community and need solitude.
I can use my voice and choose quiet.
I can take up space without needing to occupy every space.
That may be one of the things I'm learning in this season of my life.
Growth doesn't always mean becoming more of something.
Sometimes growth means noticing when we’ve swung too far in the other direction.
Warmly,
Priyanka
P.S. Is there an area of your life where you've worked so hard to change that you might have swung a little too far in the other direction? Hit reply and tell me. I'm genuinely curious about what you're noticing in your own life.