I thought I had moved past this.

Running on very little sleep today .. choosing grace over self-criticism.

I thought I had moved past this.

Or at least, I thought I had gotten much better at it.

Over the past few weeks, my body has been asking me to slow down and I thought I had gotten better at listening to it… and yet..

I've not been sleeping well, and simply not having the same energy I'm used to. There have been days where I've had to cancel plans, move things around, or admit that I just couldn't do what I normally would.

And that's when I noticed it.

Not the illness.
Not the fatigue.
Not my usual - “You’re not doing enough.”

I’ve actually worked really hard on that one over the past few years; it has finally clicked (only after leaving medicine) that my worth isn’t tied to my productivity. I don’t believe that anymore.

But my inner critic had somehow found a different angle..
"You should have seen this coming."
"You should have protected your health better."
"You should have left more space in your calendar."
"You know how important sleep is."
"You should have been doing more to regulate your nervous system."
"You know better as someone who teaches it."

Last weekend, during our Village gathering, our guest speaker, Dr. Stacy Cisneros, shared something from my Human Design reading that has stayed with me all week.

She described one of my gifts as being able to naturally see what could be improved.

I laughed.
"As a physician...of course."

For years, that's exactly what I was trained to do.
See what isn't working.
Figure out why.
Help make it better.
That ability has helped me care for thousands of patients.
It’s helped me become a coach.
It’s helped me build Wayfinding Moms.

But she also shared something else.
That same gift… when I’m disconnected from myself..
can become self-criticism.

That really made me pause.

Because even while I was doing everything I could to heal...
my mind was still finding something that could have been done better.
Something that needed improving.
Something I'd somehow missed.

It made me realize something.
Maybe healing isn't about getting rid of our self-critical part.
Maybe it's about noticing when it quietly takes over the microphone again.
Maybe it doesn't disappear.
Maybe it just changes its script.

And while we figure out the new script,
maybe the work isn't to silence it.
Maybe the work is simply to notice it...

and gently say,
"Thank you for trying to help.
I've got it from here."

That feels very different from arguing with it.
Or believing everything it says.
Or criticizing myself for being self-critical… been there, done that!

Instead, I've been practicing meeting that part with the same curiosity and compassion I would offer anyone else.
The same grace I would offer one of my patients...
or my son...
or a dear friend.

I'm realizing that healing is about changing the relationship we have with the parts of ourselves that have been working so hard to keep us safe.

It made me wonder...

How often do we do this to ourselves?
Repeat the same patterns?
Get stuck in the same loop again?

As I write this, many people are talking about this week as a season of new beginnings.

Whether or not you follow astrology, I love the invitation that any new season brings.

Not...

"What do I need to fix?"

But...

"How might I meet myself with a little more curiosity today?"
"How might I meet myself with a little more compassion?"

I'm beginning to wonder if safety isn't something we find.
Maybe it's something we create.
One curious question at a time.
One deep breath at a time.
One compassionate conversation with ourselves at a time.

Because every time we turn toward ourselves instead of away...
every time we choose curiosity over criticism...
every time we listen to the part of us that's trying so hard to protect us...
we strengthen the relationship we have with ourselves.

And I've come to believe something that is becoming the heartbeat of everything I do...

Connection begins within.

And perhaps connection begins the moment we stop trying to improve ourselves...
long enough to simply understand ourselves.

With gratitude,

Priyanka

P.S. If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Simply hit reply and tell me:

What is one part of yourself that you've been trying to fix... that might simply be asking to be understood?

And if you happen to have any ideas for a new job description for my inner critic, I'm all ears. 😊

After years of practicing medicine, it seems quite attached to finding things that need improving. Maybe it’s time for a career change.

I'm right here in the trenches with you, learning, unlearning, and finding our way, together.